Who Is Bob And Why Have You Named a Blog After Him?

In October 2023 I was on a spiritual retreat run by my friend Caroline, The Original Dragon Lady (https://carolinedragonlady.com) and, one evening, we were sitting around the table with the other ladies discussing the events of the day etc.  Nothing out of the ordinary (though the retreat itself was 100% epic and started the journey I am currently on), just four women enjoying each other’s company.  As a result I have absolutely no memory of how we got onto the topic of the little voices that live permanently in our heads telling us we’re not good enough etc but I was prompted to mention the fact that I refer to the owner of the little voice as my “inner gremlin” as I had come across the concept when reading Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly and had stuck like glue in my psyche.

Caroline’s response was to simply say…

“what’s his name?”

My reply (without hesitation, deviation or repetition)…

“Bob”

And then came Caroline’s next question…

“Why don’t you just tell Bob to f**k off?”

And so, I did.

IT.  WAS. LIBERATING.

And also, hilariously funny (for reasons I can’t explain – it just was.  I’m guessing it’s one of those “you had to be there” things).  From that day forth, “F-off Bob!” became an empowering mantra for us whenever we needed to let off steam (I’m sorry/not sorry for anyone who happened to be on the beach at Tintagel, Cornwall, UK and got to witness me screaming it almost at the top of my lungs; I say almost because I am BRITISH after all and so there has to be some decorum – LOL).

So, from his humble beginnings, the idea of F-Off Bob grew. A symbol of how anyone can overcome the debilitating problems that shame, self-doubt, perfectionism, self-deprecation/flagellation etc by naming that voice and taking a leap of faith/having the courage to reject was it saying and replacing the gap with kindness, compassion and care.  By the end of the retreat, we were discussing a slew of “F-off Bob” memes, t-shirts with slogans and even an oracle deck (watch this space!!!).

But, of course, it was only in jest.  It wasn’t real.  It couldn’t…shouldn’t be done.

Until today – 27th September 2024.

I have just completed Caroline’s follow-on retreat, this time run in partnership with another friend, Atlantis Wolf (https://www.atlantiswolf.com) and, unsurprisingly, Bob and the story of how he came into being came up.  This time though it felt different.  Not just because I saw how it resonated with people who hadn’t been there at his “conception” but because I started to see how much my relationship with Bob has changed over the last year.

So, what had, at first, been a funny idea, i.e. F-off Bob merchandise, started to feel possible.  A way for people to know they aren’t the only ones to have a “Bob” and to consider how they too can change their relationship with him/her/they/it, so they feel empowered rather than excluded.

I am starting here, with “The Bob Blog”.  A weekly delve into the life and times of Bob and my relationship with him.  It will also include signposts to other people’s thoughts and ideas on handling the “le problème du jour” (part of Bob’s M.O. is to speak French sometimes because, according to him, I’m less than because I’m not bi-lingual; however, the joke is on him because I enjoy the challenge of dusting off my school-girl language skills!) as well as a weekly “Statement of Intent” – aka “an affirmation” but, to my mind, sounds better; well easier to take ownership of anyway.

I’ve also learnt that “F-off Bob-ing”, is a full sensory experience.  As such, writing/reading about it and saying it out loud may not always enough.  Music, colour, textures, tastes, feelings and actions can also be added to the mix.  With this in mind, I will also identify certain things that fall into these categories which have helped me along the way.  I’m not saying they will definitely help you – our journeys are all uniquely special and we are, ultimately, the ones who are responsible for the choices we make.  What I do hope is that by putting this information into the universe it fosters in people a sense of being part of a beautifully imperfect community – one that strives to explore life with an open mind, an open heart and an open spirit.

Love,

Jocelyn, The Phoenix Mage xxx